I was very lucky. I met my husband of 19 years in a college dining hall on pancake night. We hit it off, as they say. You don't hear about people meeting organically much anymore. They meet by comparison shopping on a tiny computer, which is a tad dehumanizing. It's only a 2D picture of a whole person on either side of the transaction. Doesn't leave room for natural chemistry because you're not in the same airspace with those people. So, you probably "miss the mark" a lot and that gets really discouraging, right? Like trying on clothes in an actual department store. No one does that anymore because it sucks and makes you feel like crap, so you order stuff online and have it delivered to your home where you feel more comfortable feeling like crap. I'm getting off topic.
AND this: "Because marriage is strongest when, in our worst days and moods, gives us the confidence that our partner is not gonna run away, looking for some new-and-improved model. And isn't that a beautiful thing to strive for?"
Hell yes, it is. No one but my husband knows how truly hideous and unlikable I can be. If he ever spontaneously combusts, I'll succumb to spinsterhood by choice. I'd never survive dating app life. I have a hard enough time shopping for a shower curtain online.
That is exactly, word for word, why I've never used dating apps. I'm either meeting my Mrs Hideous on a pancake night-like moment or I shall perish alone
I don't know how old you are, but I'm pretty sure guys with names like Loudt who may or may not have a British accent get something of a free pass for lurking in college dining halls looking for hideous life partners. In the U.S. at least.
This comment is based on my assumption that you're British and your real name is Loudt. If neither of these things are true, I don't think this plan will work for you.
This made me chuckle so good. You deserve the truth Meg:
- My name isn't Loudt. It also, technically, *is* Loudt (it's spelled differently, but when english speakers say the word "Loudt" that's how my actual name is pronounced)
- I'm Spanish. But I did, indeed, acquire a British accent after I went through enough Duolingo lessons to understand what people were saying on UK's TV panel shows.
The plan might need some tweaking cause I'm also in my late-twenties, but I think I got this 🤞
Well, you're definitely not too old to blend in at a college dining hall. Especially with the whole Spanish, British, James Dean, funny guy thing you've got going on. And I'm definitely not old enough to be your mother. Not without it being reality TV worthy.
Give people what they want and not what they deserve and they will never be happy. Life is about compromise but there is no merit in a situation where all the diplomatic power rests in solely one party- the woman. Todays no fault divorce situation where a woman expects a man to earn more than her to marry, and to give her a great deal of it the moment she is no longer happy(amber heard’s mindset) do not once incentivize men to marry.
Secondly.. we expect commitment and we expect some degree of sexual fidelity. few people want to marry a trampoline.
Data from dating sites appears to show the 80/20 rule is in effect. 80% of women like 20% of the men, which boils down to about 50% of women going for 1% of men.
Compared to men, women appear to overestimate their attractiveness, and they have reasons to, as men like almost all women they find remotely attractive. Women near the median in popularity receive about 100 times as many likes and messages than men near the median.
If you’ve got 80% of women who are only willing to date the top 20% of men, this leaves a lot of men and women out in the cold and/or cheated on.
Women also tend to want to date up, while men tend to want to date down as far as income and education. With more women going to college than men, this is another barrier.
Most relevantly psychologically and biologically, women and men don’t know what they want. What they list as desirable traits and dealbreakers rarely apply to who they end up with, and biology compels us toward people with complimentary immune systems. You may say smoking is a dealbreaker, but if a potential partner has stronger immunity to pathogens you don’t and vice versa, biology and emotion are going to subsume reason, and we can’t really help liking who we like, regardless of the qualities we think we value.
TLDR we’re all going to end up alone and miserable.
Let me know when you get there my friend. I got tons of articles I plagiarized from you that I would like to publish once you can't do anything to stop me
"And marriage can't simply be about living your best life in a perfect Instagram-filtered fairytale of platonic flawlessness anyway. There's a reason why people's vows include poverty, sickness, and death. Because marriage is strongest when, in our worst days and moods, gives us the confidence that our partner is not gonna run away, looking for some new-and-improved model. And isn't that a beautiful thing to strive for?"
This is gold. Marriage is so much harder than we imagine it will be. The romance fades when you argue for the umpteenth time about the right place to keep the scissors. That's when the work begins. But no one prepares you for that.
We should all send this post to our children 12 years from now along with a celebratory divorce greeting card because they sure as hell won’t listen to us now.
I’m with Meg. I like to feel the texture of my shower curtains before I buy them, and if possible, before I date them too.
I have to figure out what to do with the paralysis I experience while/after reading your posts. I want to quote everything right away. Hence, the paralysis, because obviously I'm not going to copy/paste half your post in a comment. It's just that so much of it makes me happy... when things ring crystal clear and balanced. Thank you for writing this. LOL RE: the extreme rough edges of medieval/outdated marriage customs- really rounded out the perspective hahaha
I was very lucky. I met my husband of 19 years in a college dining hall on pancake night. We hit it off, as they say. You don't hear about people meeting organically much anymore. They meet by comparison shopping on a tiny computer, which is a tad dehumanizing. It's only a 2D picture of a whole person on either side of the transaction. Doesn't leave room for natural chemistry because you're not in the same airspace with those people. So, you probably "miss the mark" a lot and that gets really discouraging, right? Like trying on clothes in an actual department store. No one does that anymore because it sucks and makes you feel like crap, so you order stuff online and have it delivered to your home where you feel more comfortable feeling like crap. I'm getting off topic.
AND this: "Because marriage is strongest when, in our worst days and moods, gives us the confidence that our partner is not gonna run away, looking for some new-and-improved model. And isn't that a beautiful thing to strive for?"
Hell yes, it is. No one but my husband knows how truly hideous and unlikable I can be. If he ever spontaneously combusts, I'll succumb to spinsterhood by choice. I'd never survive dating app life. I have a hard enough time shopping for a shower curtain online.
That is exactly, word for word, why I've never used dating apps. I'm either meeting my Mrs Hideous on a pancake night-like moment or I shall perish alone
I don't know how old you are, but I'm pretty sure guys with names like Loudt who may or may not have a British accent get something of a free pass for lurking in college dining halls looking for hideous life partners. In the U.S. at least.
This comment is based on my assumption that you're British and your real name is Loudt. If neither of these things are true, I don't think this plan will work for you.
This made me chuckle so good. You deserve the truth Meg:
- My name isn't Loudt. It also, technically, *is* Loudt (it's spelled differently, but when english speakers say the word "Loudt" that's how my actual name is pronounced)
- I'm Spanish. But I did, indeed, acquire a British accent after I went through enough Duolingo lessons to understand what people were saying on UK's TV panel shows.
The plan might need some tweaking cause I'm also in my late-twenties, but I think I got this 🤞
Late twenties?
Well, you're definitely not too old to blend in at a college dining hall. Especially with the whole Spanish, British, James Dean, funny guy thing you've got going on. And I'm definitely not old enough to be your mother. Not without it being reality TV worthy.
Win win!
Enjoy your pancakes.
Give people what they want and not what they deserve and they will never be happy. Life is about compromise but there is no merit in a situation where all the diplomatic power rests in solely one party- the woman. Todays no fault divorce situation where a woman expects a man to earn more than her to marry, and to give her a great deal of it the moment she is no longer happy(amber heard’s mindset) do not once incentivize men to marry.
Secondly.. we expect commitment and we expect some degree of sexual fidelity. few people want to marry a trampoline.
You made me think of amber's lawyers again. Man that legal team could talk themselves from a speeding ticket all the way to the death penalty
Data from dating sites appears to show the 80/20 rule is in effect. 80% of women like 20% of the men, which boils down to about 50% of women going for 1% of men.
Compared to men, women appear to overestimate their attractiveness, and they have reasons to, as men like almost all women they find remotely attractive. Women near the median in popularity receive about 100 times as many likes and messages than men near the median.
If you’ve got 80% of women who are only willing to date the top 20% of men, this leaves a lot of men and women out in the cold and/or cheated on.
Women also tend to want to date up, while men tend to want to date down as far as income and education. With more women going to college than men, this is another barrier.
Most relevantly psychologically and biologically, women and men don’t know what they want. What they list as desirable traits and dealbreakers rarely apply to who they end up with, and biology compels us toward people with complimentary immune systems. You may say smoking is a dealbreaker, but if a potential partner has stronger immunity to pathogens you don’t and vice versa, biology and emotion are going to subsume reason, and we can’t really help liking who we like, regardless of the qualities we think we value.
TLDR we’re all going to end up alone and miserable.
Harry you well-read brainster. I wouldn't worry about your TLDR; you're clearly in the top 20%
TLDR *and dead
Let me know when you get there my friend. I got tons of articles I plagiarized from you that I would like to publish once you can't do anything to stop me
“Needs McTherapy“ lol
we all know someone from that family don't we
Lol yes and we all share the surname too
"And marriage can't simply be about living your best life in a perfect Instagram-filtered fairytale of platonic flawlessness anyway. There's a reason why people's vows include poverty, sickness, and death. Because marriage is strongest when, in our worst days and moods, gives us the confidence that our partner is not gonna run away, looking for some new-and-improved model. And isn't that a beautiful thing to strive for?"
This is gold. Marriage is so much harder than we imagine it will be. The romance fades when you argue for the umpteenth time about the right place to keep the scissors. That's when the work begins. But no one prepares you for that.
To think that scissors storage could be listed as one of those "irreconcilable differences" people split up for is terrifyingly hilarious.
I'll just use my teeth goddammit
We should all send this post to our children 12 years from now along with a celebratory divorce greeting card because they sure as hell won’t listen to us now.
I’m with Meg. I like to feel the texture of my shower curtains before I buy them, and if possible, before I date them too.
Damn you date shower curtains Daniel? And I thought I was alone with my kink for feather dusters
Wow...there's a lot of truth in this post. Unrealistic expectations has killed marriage? Yep...may be on to something there.
Sadly I did some more research and what actually kills marriage seems to be divorce :c
😁😁😁😁
I have to figure out what to do with the paralysis I experience while/after reading your posts. I want to quote everything right away. Hence, the paralysis, because obviously I'm not going to copy/paste half your post in a comment. It's just that so much of it makes me happy... when things ring crystal clear and balanced. Thank you for writing this. LOL RE: the extreme rough edges of medieval/outdated marriage customs- really rounded out the perspective hahaha