'Get Poor Quick' Schemes Are Going Viral
Hi there, bighead.
We're gonna have to put aside Nigerian princes, Blockbuster stocks, and every cryptocurrency project sponsored by the Paul brothers for a minute—a new way of reliably losing money has sprouted from the clout-chasing, dopamine-dependent minds of social media influencers.
Prepare to cross out “bankruptcy” off your bucket list because following any advice you learn here can leave you with an ROI so imaginary kids are gonna send it letters for Christmas.
1. Feignfluencer
As ‘Finfluencers’ Spread Through Social Media, Beware the Pitfalls
(4 min read)
This is what happens when you encourage influencers' flagrant abuse of Photoshop's Liquify tool: their perception of reality gets distorted to the point of believing that anything can be dumbed down into a 15-second TikTok clip. This will probably end like every other thing touched by the decadent bite of social media: in teenage depression, damaged self-esteem, and someone's allowance getting wasted on a promo code.
2. Crazy Investment
From Tulips and Scrips to Bitcoin and Meme Stocks – How the Act of Speculating Became a Financial Mania
(4 min read)
Long before student loans, Belle Delphine's bathtub water, and the NFT collection of Michael Caine's asshole that I suspect is in the making, people had already perfected the art of sending hard-earned money down the drain. We should stop looking at failed marriages as the sole reason why some people drink their morning coffee to r/WallStreetBets and instead start looking at the biology of it—cause I think genes are gamblers. Someone get me David Attenborough on the phone.
3. Income Mainstream
Beyond the Meme: Finance Gets Serious on Going Viral
(6 min read)
Nike did it with footwear. Apple did it with headphones. OnlyFans did it with D-list Instagram models. Now fintech companies face the impossible challenge of making bank accounts sexy. I'm no Ogilvy, but they better get Charli D'Amelio doing the "Spooky Scary Skeleton" dance if they want a chance of getting a Gen Z-er to pay attention for the full 4 seconds that it takes to explain what an "overdraft fee" is.
4. Catch Me if You Can
Wall Street Influencers Are Making $500,000, Topping Even Bankers
(7 min read | potential paywall)
This kid is going places. More specifically, the place that looks like the first act of a biographical movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio—it's all gushing cashflows and dreams come true until your egomaniacal side starts thinking that scamming people out of their retirement savings sounds like a fun Tuesday. I hope he sticks to promoting his affiliate links; at least he'd be ironically teaching that the only way of making money off a gold rush is to be the one selling the shovels.
5. The TikToker of Wall Street
What You Learn From a Year of Watching Bad Financial Advice on TikTok
(10 min read)
From the platform that brought you the "Light Yourself on Fire" challenge and the "How to Use Erection Cream as a Pout Plumper" tutorial, get a load of financial advice with the same blatant disregard for quality control. Kids: TikTok was invented so you are scrolling through ads instead of reading the back of a shampoo bottle while you poo. Don't go there to get educated—at least burn your Skillshare coupons first.
That'll be all for today.
Go dodge some bullets. And if your day-to-day gets too boring from the lack of life-ruining decisions, well—you can always go back and choose a life partner on the basis of a Buzzfeed personality quiz.
Stay cocky,
Loudt
where can I send you money?