Being Too Good-Looking Is Depressing

Feb 25, 2022

Anthropologists may be yet to come up with a Richter scale of sorts that indicates just how much is "too much beauty," but this I know for sure: once your genetic makeup flies past the point Al Gore would call "global warming hot," expect no longer to able to carpool an elevator without someone looking at you like they wanna cocktail chromosomes with you.

And that is, apparently, just one of the many pains hot people have to live with.

Babe's Anatomy

The Surprising Downsides of Being Drop Dead Gorgeous
(5 min read)

I took a dive on this story expecting something cute, like "You can't be hot and leave your Instagram DMs open, otherwise you'll be avalanched with enough dick pics to fill up a life still museum." So imagine my dire surprise when I read that modern medicine hasn't figured out how to make doctors not fall into the "Nah, he's too cute for a renal calculus, send him home" bias. Pro tip: next time you hit the hospital, pack your most unflattering underwear.

Why So Serious?

Why fashion models don’t smile
(4 min read)

I'm sure modelling would not have become the glorified bipedalism that it is today without the straight faces—they say it's an intentional design choice, to add dignity and status to the whole thing. But if these models are already getting paid superlative amounts of money to power walk across a runway showing a bit of contour, something tells me the real reason is that no one can afford to pay the dentition reveal fee.

First World Problems

Do Good-Looking People Really Have Easier Lives Than Everyone Else?
(3 min read)

The short answer is "Yes." The long answer is "Affirmative." Period. Seriously, if science is really this committed to waste taxpayer money on obvious findings, here's an idea: let’s put the entirety of the Flat-Earth Society inside a rocket can and shoot them all to the edge of space. Bonus points if the grant doesn't provide enough money to bring them back.

Fashion's Awful Season

Beauty Got So Basic That the Only Place for Fashion to Go Was Ugly
(6 min read | paywalled)

You could dress Barbara Palvin on a potato sack that she'll still make me wanna buy it as a piece of lingerie for my girlfriend, and that proves one thing: beauty is boringly predictable. There are some obvious ways to add a bit of pizzazz to the parade, but models can only hint so much skin real state before their still shots start getting indexed in the NSFW corners of Reddit. A real catch-22.

Attractivocracy

The Advantage of Being Attractive: Alex From Target
(26 min watch time)

There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who get a cameo on Ellen on the sole basis of having won the gene pool lottery, and those who don't. This kid, in particular, was 9-5'ing at his Target cashier job when someone decided to change his career path by posting a picture of him. But just when his follower count had reached the point where Nord VPN commissions could pay for his gym membership alone, he gave it all up. I guess the saying is true; happiness takes more than a selfie with one of the Jonas brothers.